What am I doing?
I don't even know if I want to go grad school! My plan was to take a year off--to work, to travel, and to contemplate going to grad school. Now I find myself with the extra work/headache of preparing applications (and doling out money I don't really have to pay for this fee and that [why the hell do they charge $10 for a transcript?!?!! All they do is print it off a computer!!!].)
Why? Why am I bringing on all this unneeded work/stress?
Partly because I got caught up in the moment ("People think I might actually have a shot at all this!") Mostly, though, because I have a problem saying no. Especially to people who believe in me and my abilities (the professors encouraging me to apply to grad school and for grad scholarships are a few examples.)
I have to start saying "no." Now is a perfect opportunity.
I am saying "no" to duress; I am saying "no" to paperwork for something I lack the conviction (at the moment) to follow through. I am saying "no, not just now" to grad school/scholarships.
And I'm sticking to my original plan.
Now that I've pretty much wasted the evening, I'm going to make myself a hot chocolate and finish The Nun.
Sleep well. I'm sure I will.