I really miss taking voice lessons.

I do.

I grew up singing, but it was not until the tenth grade that I expressed interest in formally training my voice. I started lessons with a wonderful teacher, Connie Newland. I progressed much. But I stopped those lessons three years later. Not out of disinterest, but out of disability.

I had spent a second summer teaching swimming lessons and lifeguarding at a city pool and had carelessly abused my vocal chords. Singing became difficult. I'm sure I gave myself a node. And Connie always said that while you could do therapeutic singing to assist in the healing of a node (never EVER surgery!!! that can cause more harm than good!), the best cure was to not sing for two years.

So I quit. I don't remember if I told her my suspicions when I left. I don't know what reason I gave for quitting. I'm sure she knew, though. Connie was like that.

My self-imposed silence was, for a long time, just that. Gradually I began to sing around the house. I just couldn't do any serious singing; my voice had become too weak. I was embarassed at its sound. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

That was a very hard time for me.

Around that time I suffered a bout of depression. Though there were a lot of factors that contributed to my depression, it all came to a head the day I realized that if I ever wanted to enjoy singing again, I'd have to give it up for a time. I came home from my lesson and started to cry. For half an hour. Often verging on hysterics. I was afraid I had disappointed everyone--least of all myself.

But it's feeling stronger now. And I want to take lessons again so my voice will grow even stronger than it was before I abused it. The problem is finding the time to take lessons. Still more problematic, though, is finding a place to practice.

There are yet few people I would let hear any serious bit of singing by me. The embarrassment lingers. But so does that desire to sing.